Who is in size 14's? This bitch

Recently I have gotten some family pictures taken, so I thought I woudl share with everyone. All I keep hearing is how happy I look and I couldn't agree more. I AM happy. THIS is what it feels like. If I didn't lose another pound I would still die thrilled. That being said, I have been eating like a heifer this past week. I need to get back on track and eat healthy. I have 26 more pounds to go until I reach 100 pounds total lost.

Pre-Op Appointments

I just got home from my pre-op testing appointments and I have been cleared for surgery! The doctor didn't even say anything about a pre-op diet, so I was kind of pissed. Anyways, I had to show up this morning at the hospital for my meeting with the dietician. She pretty much went over the things I already knew and had dealt with during the lapband process. She was explaining the menu and using measurements in tablespoons-TABLESPOONS!!! She explained that for the first 6 months I will not get much more than 4 tablespoons in at one sitting. Of course I knew this all along, but the moment SHE said it, felt like a slap in the face. I instantly thought 'How in the hell am I going to get everything I want to eat into 4 TABLESPOONS. Back to my addiction. I might as well have thought ' How much crack can I smoke before someone finds me'.

After my dietician appointment I had to go to SPA testing ( if only it were the GOOD spa), where I had to get arterial blood drawn because of sleep apnea, 5 other vials drawn-pregnancy test, one for blood pressure, and who knows what else, as well as an EKG. They gave me 2 bottles of soap and told me to wash with one tonight and one in the morning and they also gave me one of those breathing machine doodads. When I was done there I went over to my doctor's office-where they were running an hour and a half behind- and he went over the surgery and the risks as well as what he would do if he couldn't do the surgery laproscopically, which would be open bypass. He said he was going to do everything to make this happen and he thought I would do great.

In a nutshell, that was my pre-op visit. I have to report to the hospital at 5:30 am tomorrow morning and my surgery is supposed to start at 7:30. My doctor said it would take close to 2 hours to complete since they had to do a band removal as well as the bypass itself. So I guess here it goes, all or nothing, ready or not- I am about to be a gastric bypass patient.
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Round 2- KO

This is real life folks. I couldn't claim yesterday victiorious because in a moment of weakness while feeding my daughter, I stuffed my face with the very crackers I was putting on her highchair tray. It was terrible and I felt like a complete loser for it. I had tried so hard and it was just so easy to quit. I have to say it is even harder to admit that I failed though, and I am glad I am doing it. Throughout the entire day I wanted to cancel surgery, postpone surgery, give the whole 'diet and exercise' thing a try ONE MORE TIME. I reasoned with myself for hours. Still to this minute I wonder if I should push the date back. Why am I rushing into something so life changing? Because I know myself, thats why. I won't diet and exercise, and if I push it back I will find another excuse not to have it. I have made it through this far, why quit now. So I had a downfall, I can bounce back, and I will. I hope that is what this surgery is about. I really want to lose this weight and I am serious but I am also human. Time will tell what will happen, but I hope for my health and the future of my family, that I can make it through this pre-op diet all the way to surgery.