Who is in size 14's? This bitch

Recently I have gotten some family pictures taken, so I thought I woudl share with everyone. All I keep hearing is how happy I look and I couldn't agree more. I AM happy. THIS is what it feels like. If I didn't lose another pound I would still die thrilled. That being said, I have been eating like a heifer this past week. I need to get back on track and eat healthy. I have 26 more pounds to go until I reach 100 pounds total lost.

Pre-Op Appointments

I just got home from my pre-op testing appointments and I have been cleared for surgery! The doctor didn't even say anything about a pre-op diet, so I was kind of pissed. Anyways, I had to show up this morning at the hospital for my meeting with the dietician. She pretty much went over the things I already knew and had dealt with during the lapband process. She was explaining the menu and using measurements in tablespoons-TABLESPOONS!!! She explained that for the first 6 months I will not get much more than 4 tablespoons in at one sitting. Of course I knew this all along, but the moment SHE said it, felt like a slap in the face. I instantly thought 'How in the hell am I going to get everything I want to eat into 4 TABLESPOONS. Back to my addiction. I might as well have thought ' How much crack can I smoke before someone finds me'.

After my dietician appointment I had to go to SPA testing ( if only it were the GOOD spa), where I had to get arterial blood drawn because of sleep apnea, 5 other vials drawn-pregnancy test, one for blood pressure, and who knows what else, as well as an EKG. They gave me 2 bottles of soap and told me to wash with one tonight and one in the morning and they also gave me one of those breathing machine doodads. When I was done there I went over to my doctor's office-where they were running an hour and a half behind- and he went over the surgery and the risks as well as what he would do if he couldn't do the surgery laproscopically, which would be open bypass. He said he was going to do everything to make this happen and he thought I would do great.

In a nutshell, that was my pre-op visit. I have to report to the hospital at 5:30 am tomorrow morning and my surgery is supposed to start at 7:30. My doctor said it would take close to 2 hours to complete since they had to do a band removal as well as the bypass itself. So I guess here it goes, all or nothing, ready or not- I am about to be a gastric bypass patient.
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Victory

I stepped on the scale yesterday and I was down 7 lbs! I instantly remembered what it felt like to see that number go down, I haven't felt that since I had got the lapband. It was an amazing feeling and it pushed me to go walking last night. Instead of sitting on my ass and watching my husband play basketball, I took my child and myself (stroller and all) and I walked the indoor track at the local gym. I did a mile and a half and I felt great about it. I am wanting to do it more often and I think if I can con my husband into going with me, it will drive me a little bit more. I don't want him to walk with me or anything, but it would be good for him to get back into his gym routine as well. I couldn't help but feel on top of the world when I was walking last night. I woke up this morning to find maybe another pound down- I need to get a digital scale because I cannot see where the red ticker is pointing to on my ancient scale, who knows, I could have lost 30 lbs. Thanks for all of the support from everyone on my facebook to the comments on here, they really do keep the fire under my ass and it let's me know that I am not alone!

Round 2- KO

This is real life folks. I couldn't claim yesterday victiorious because in a moment of weakness while feeding my daughter, I stuffed my face with the very crackers I was putting on her highchair tray. It was terrible and I felt like a complete loser for it. I had tried so hard and it was just so easy to quit. I have to say it is even harder to admit that I failed though, and I am glad I am doing it. Throughout the entire day I wanted to cancel surgery, postpone surgery, give the whole 'diet and exercise' thing a try ONE MORE TIME. I reasoned with myself for hours. Still to this minute I wonder if I should push the date back. Why am I rushing into something so life changing? Because I know myself, thats why. I won't diet and exercise, and if I push it back I will find another excuse not to have it. I have made it through this far, why quit now. So I had a downfall, I can bounce back, and I will. I hope that is what this surgery is about. I really want to lose this weight and I am serious but I am also human. Time will tell what will happen, but I hope for my health and the future of my family, that I can make it through this pre-op diet all the way to surgery.

Hunger Monster

Well, yesterday was my first day of liquids. I am proud to report Ali=1 Food=0. Don't get me wrong, I was tempted, in everyway possible. I was pretty much fine, until the end of the day. This is normally when I eat the most anyways, but having to smell my husband baking a pizza and then watching him made it worse. I tried everything I could to avoid this situation because I knew that if I wasn't careful, I was going to end up slicing his neck with the very pizza cutter he was using to divide his food. I had ran to the store a little bit earlier to get some tomato soup, and I swear every fast food chain had JUST put their food on the grill because I was smelling every burger, burrito, and chicken breast that was being prepared within a 5 mile radius. I fought it off and for a minute there I couldn't think straight from the scents filling the air. I started yesterday off at 262- only 2 pounds under what I weighed the day I got the lapband surgery. Yesterday was quite the battle. Food has a huge hold over me. I doubted myself in each and everyway possible, I wanted to call and cancel the surgery as soon as the thought of missing Easter dinner entered my head, when I saw my husband able to eat whatever it was that he pleases. I think it is harder being married and having children during this process. It's not like I can tell my family to quit eating, and what is even worse, is that I have to physically feed my child. Of course it is baby food, but you would be wrong if you don't think for a second that I didn't want to dive face first into that jar of mashed up peas. Then my husband asked me to make his pizza. ( Insert eyeroll here) Needless to say, after a few choice words said, it wasn't happeneing. At the end of the day, I did what I was supposed to do and I am proud of myself. I only have 11 days left till surgery and I seriously hope it is all worth it.

D-Day

You would think that I would be eating everything in sight today, but I am not. I have become so sick of this lifestyle and the after effects of it that I am ready to be done. As ready as I can be anyways. I will be eating my favorite food tonight for dinner, but other than that, I have no interest in much of anything. Tomorrow, I will be starting Day 1 of my 14 day ( more like 30 day) liquid diet. I am supposed to drink 3 protein shakes per day, and for the rest of the day stay on clear, sugar free liquids. Things such as fat free chicken broth, sugar free jello/pudding, sugar free popsicles etc. I have a good 10 or so boxes of slim fast stocked up in the extra fridge, in all different flavors, as well as everything else listed above. It is going to be a very hard diet, mentally. I rememeber being on the clear liquid diet AFTER my lapband procedure and it was a piece of cake because I had some sort of restriction on my stomach. NOW I have a wide open stomach ready to devour the world, and clear liquids just is not going to cut it. I am going to have to keep myself busy-keep my goal in sight. In 13 days I will be getting the gastric bypass and shedding the pounds, getting to a healthier new me. If my posts for the next 2 weeks seem a little 'bitchy' it is only because the beast in me is trying to get out.