Who is in size 14's? This bitch

Recently I have gotten some family pictures taken, so I thought I woudl share with everyone. All I keep hearing is how happy I look and I couldn't agree more. I AM happy. THIS is what it feels like. If I didn't lose another pound I would still die thrilled. That being said, I have been eating like a heifer this past week. I need to get back on track and eat healthy. I have 26 more pounds to go until I reach 100 pounds total lost.

It's Been A Long Time Comin'

I know it has been a while since I have posted. To update you all, I have hit my 30 pound lost mark!! I couldn't be more excited and I am on a straight and narrow path towards a life of being skinny. Things have been crazy around here. I am gearing up for my first vacation since surgery. I believe it will be like the 'temptation challenges' from the Biggest Loser. We are going to South Carolina to be with the in-laws for a week. With family comes big sit down dinners, going out to celebrate, and drinking. I have had a glass of wine or two here and there within the last week so I know I am good there. I really hope I can control myself when posed with the situation of going out to eat. My biggest fear is getting sick in public. I never quite know how to handle the situation. It always ends up in me looking like an emergency is occuring and then of course everyone has to ask what went wrong. I will do my best to keep positive thoughts in my head and remember the rules.

On to other news, I got a JOB!!! I was just hired as the newest vet technician at a clinic here in Arkansas. I am super excited as I have not worked for 3 years. It will give my daughter the opportunity to gain social skills and give me the chance to have some grown up time. I am also excited about this because I believe it will get me into a routine. Work then gym. I am one of those people that need to have the same schedule everyday to be successful. Being an at home mom/wife kind of just let me do what I want when I wanted it. This job will allow me to just hit the gym on the way home from work and keep a steady schedule. I think only good things can come from this. It will also not allow me to snack all day. I will be posting new pictures of my progress soon. I keep getting compliments that my weight loss is noticed and going well. I love hearing these things as they give me that push and reassurance that I sometimes need. All in all I STILL think this is the best thing I ever did for myself, and I wouldn't change a thing :)

Day 4 Post Op

First off, I just want to say a big thank you to everyone and their well wishes, prayers, and concerns during my hospitalization. Things are going well and the surgery was successful. I am at home with my family now and trying to get around as best as possible. I will go over the hospital process just to tell you a little bit about what happened.

I arrived at the hospital at 5:30 am and was almost immediately brought back into a room with a bed and was instructed to get undressed, put a gown on and get on the bed. An IV was inserted into my arm and the nurse took my vitals. I had to pee in a cup for a false pregnancy confirmation before surgery. At that point I remained on the bed as the anesthesiologist came in and discussed what he would be doing. Shortly after, what I call the magic medicine, was inserted into my IV and I became very care free and drowsy. The last thing I remember before waking up after surgery, was kissing my husband and my daughter goodbye as they were literally wheeling me down to the OR.

I woke up in a haze hearing the nurse booking my room in the hospital-for some reason I wanted to make sure I remembered the room number-627. I kept repeating it over and over again in my head "627,627, Room 627". Of course, it never presented the need to come up ever again but I knew what my room number was! When I fully woke up out of the haze, I instantly wanted to know where my husband and my daughter were. I wanted to see my only family that I have within a 500 mile radius.

Now, I won't discuss EVERY SINGLE detail of my stay in the hospital, but I will say that for whatever reason, I had complications due to an IV infiltration, I was given a shot of toradol and ativan and was told I was going to have a pic line inserted. I beleive it was due to the fact that I was neglected by the nursing staff ( after contacting them several times) for an hour, due to having no fluid in my IV bag. Other than that, things went according to plan.

The first day after getting out of surgery, I was not allowed anything by mouth, no water or ice--NOTHING. The second day I was eased into ice chips-2 tbsp per every half an hour. The third and final day I was put on a clear sugar free liquid diet-2 tbsp every meal time, and then each hour after that. needless say, it is next to nothing. I do not feel hungry in the least though so I am not stressing out about it yet. I am a little sore on my incision sites but other than that I am up and moving around. I am ready for my workouts to begin and the weight to start coming off. I have never been more relieved to say that I am no longer a bandster, I am a gastric bypasser!!!

Victory

I stepped on the scale yesterday and I was down 7 lbs! I instantly remembered what it felt like to see that number go down, I haven't felt that since I had got the lapband. It was an amazing feeling and it pushed me to go walking last night. Instead of sitting on my ass and watching my husband play basketball, I took my child and myself (stroller and all) and I walked the indoor track at the local gym. I did a mile and a half and I felt great about it. I am wanting to do it more often and I think if I can con my husband into going with me, it will drive me a little bit more. I don't want him to walk with me or anything, but it would be good for him to get back into his gym routine as well. I couldn't help but feel on top of the world when I was walking last night. I woke up this morning to find maybe another pound down- I need to get a digital scale because I cannot see where the red ticker is pointing to on my ancient scale, who knows, I could have lost 30 lbs. Thanks for all of the support from everyone on my facebook to the comments on here, they really do keep the fire under my ass and it let's me know that I am not alone!

Round 2- KO

This is real life folks. I couldn't claim yesterday victiorious because in a moment of weakness while feeding my daughter, I stuffed my face with the very crackers I was putting on her highchair tray. It was terrible and I felt like a complete loser for it. I had tried so hard and it was just so easy to quit. I have to say it is even harder to admit that I failed though, and I am glad I am doing it. Throughout the entire day I wanted to cancel surgery, postpone surgery, give the whole 'diet and exercise' thing a try ONE MORE TIME. I reasoned with myself for hours. Still to this minute I wonder if I should push the date back. Why am I rushing into something so life changing? Because I know myself, thats why. I won't diet and exercise, and if I push it back I will find another excuse not to have it. I have made it through this far, why quit now. So I had a downfall, I can bounce back, and I will. I hope that is what this surgery is about. I really want to lose this weight and I am serious but I am also human. Time will tell what will happen, but I hope for my health and the future of my family, that I can make it through this pre-op diet all the way to surgery.

Hunger Monster

Well, yesterday was my first day of liquids. I am proud to report Ali=1 Food=0. Don't get me wrong, I was tempted, in everyway possible. I was pretty much fine, until the end of the day. This is normally when I eat the most anyways, but having to smell my husband baking a pizza and then watching him made it worse. I tried everything I could to avoid this situation because I knew that if I wasn't careful, I was going to end up slicing his neck with the very pizza cutter he was using to divide his food. I had ran to the store a little bit earlier to get some tomato soup, and I swear every fast food chain had JUST put their food on the grill because I was smelling every burger, burrito, and chicken breast that was being prepared within a 5 mile radius. I fought it off and for a minute there I couldn't think straight from the scents filling the air. I started yesterday off at 262- only 2 pounds under what I weighed the day I got the lapband surgery. Yesterday was quite the battle. Food has a huge hold over me. I doubted myself in each and everyway possible, I wanted to call and cancel the surgery as soon as the thought of missing Easter dinner entered my head, when I saw my husband able to eat whatever it was that he pleases. I think it is harder being married and having children during this process. It's not like I can tell my family to quit eating, and what is even worse, is that I have to physically feed my child. Of course it is baby food, but you would be wrong if you don't think for a second that I didn't want to dive face first into that jar of mashed up peas. Then my husband asked me to make his pizza. ( Insert eyeroll here) Needless to say, after a few choice words said, it wasn't happeneing. At the end of the day, I did what I was supposed to do and I am proud of myself. I only have 11 days left till surgery and I seriously hope it is all worth it.

R.I.P the old Ali/ Measurements/ Before Pics/ MOVIN ON

I have been mentioning that I will be taking before pictures to track my progress and to give me motivation. Let me tell you, I have never been so embarassed in my life. I had my husband help me, the husband that I have made babies with, and live with day in and day out, and was absolutely mortified. For every measurement he called the inches out for, I wanted to die a little bit inside.I have been holding off on this part for as long as possible because I do not want people to see me like this. What I fail to realize, is that everyone sees me like this, except for me. I am the only person that doesn't realize my true image. Doing this project tonight threw me over the edge and made me really emotional. It was a slap in the face, and something I never wanted to encounter. Here are my measurements of the 'old Ali'.
Neck-18''
Arms-16 3/2''
Boobs-51 1/2''
Waist-49 3/4''
Butt- 50 1/4''
Thigh- 27 3/4
 May that Bitch rest in peace, and never return. Here are my before pics

D-Day

You would think that I would be eating everything in sight today, but I am not. I have become so sick of this lifestyle and the after effects of it that I am ready to be done. As ready as I can be anyways. I will be eating my favorite food tonight for dinner, but other than that, I have no interest in much of anything. Tomorrow, I will be starting Day 1 of my 14 day ( more like 30 day) liquid diet. I am supposed to drink 3 protein shakes per day, and for the rest of the day stay on clear, sugar free liquids. Things such as fat free chicken broth, sugar free jello/pudding, sugar free popsicles etc. I have a good 10 or so boxes of slim fast stocked up in the extra fridge, in all different flavors, as well as everything else listed above. It is going to be a very hard diet, mentally. I rememeber being on the clear liquid diet AFTER my lapband procedure and it was a piece of cake because I had some sort of restriction on my stomach. NOW I have a wide open stomach ready to devour the world, and clear liquids just is not going to cut it. I am going to have to keep myself busy-keep my goal in sight. In 13 days I will be getting the gastric bypass and shedding the pounds, getting to a healthier new me. If my posts for the next 2 weeks seem a little 'bitchy' it is only because the beast in me is trying to get out.

Prisoner in my own misery

I feel my chins, ( yes I said CHINS, as in more than one) sit on top of eachother, and I feel them rest on my chest. I feel my 'back boobs' flop every time I walk faster than a snail's pace. My feet get swollen every night as if I am 9 months pregnant and my thighs resemble a kiddie pool filled with cottage cheese. I want to be skinny, but at what risk? While chatting with a good friend of mine, a question was posed. We know our addiction, but what will it take to battle it? Drug addicts can go to rehab, sex addicts usually the same. Is fat camp the answer? How many of those REALLY exist for adults? Through having the band and not telling (many) people I have come to realize that everyone thinks that weight loss surgery is the 'easy' way out. I can be the first to tell you that I wish on everything in the world, that I had a high metabolism and could just work out, and eat right to lose this weight. I can't stress enough how much HARDER weight loss surgery is. I can't tell you how many times I have cried because I can't go out socially and eat with my friends without it being weird. This 'easy way out' is more of a mind fuck than anything. Because I will always see myself as fat. I know that losing so much weight so quick will throw me down a sprial of depression. For being the easy way out, I am willing to risk being borderline NUTSO just so I can wear normal clothes, and feel 'confident', but it really doesn't happen that way does it? Ask any fat person who has lost weight, when they were more confident, fat or skinny. I promise you the results will be surprising. I just have to be prepared and be strong mentally for this surgery. I have to make sure that I am not taking things out on the wrong people due to the side effects this surgery imposes. As I lose the weight, I have to learn how to be comfortable in my new body, and accept the phases of deformation of my body. With that comes the ability to come off of medications. I am currently taking 7 different pills for everything from back problems to insomnia to hypertension, all linked to obesity. I will be able to stop using my CPAP breathing machine and begin to live a normal life. I wont have to be the fat wife with the skinny white husband. We will finally be able to 'match'. Like they say- I am taking the 'easy' way out- and saving my life.I am not here to promote either surgery or even surgery period. What I AM here to do is give you my view on the whole process and how it effects my life. I don't want to scare anyone, but I can tell you that there is NOTHING easy about this surgery or the lifestyle after it.