People Come and Go but I Will Forever Be Ali

It was brought to my attention last night that I have changed. Over the night I really thought long and hard if that statement is true. I came to conclusion that it is very true. I am now happy, positive, encouraging and confident. Most people knew me as a sarcastic, miserable, self-hating, debbie downer type of person. I have changed because I know that I can do better than I was, I have changed because I FINALLY care about my life and myself. I refuse to apologize for being happy and finally in the place that I have been supporting everyone else for already being in. I have spent countless hours being happy for everyone else. Numerous conversations of motivation given and encouragement supplied. Now, selfish or not, it is my turn and I will let NO ONE take that from me. If you can't be happy for me being happy then you have no place in my life. For once in my life, I need the cheerleader, I need the motivation, and the pat on the back. I am still sarcastic and I still have my sense of humor but I now I am the Captain of my team and the player as well. I am deciding my future and making things happen. I will not apologize for being me.

Here are my current measurements; eactly 14 days post op:
Neck 16.25
Arm- 16
Boobs-46.50
Waist- 48
Butt- 48
Thigh- 27.75

11 Inches gone!

Strange Things Our Bodies Do

As of today I am 18 days post op. I am on the semi solid diet, being able to eat tuna and pasta. I am looking forward to the day when I can have MEAT! I am a carnivore and I need chicken or beef or SOMETHING! I believe I can start having those foods towards the end of May. It will come soon enough, I am doing everything I can to stick to the plan and follow the rules.

With that being said, I have stopped losing for the past three days. I had gotten worried that my body was trying to say ' Ok, you take it from here'. I have lost 20 lbs so far, and yes, that is amazing. I just want the best results possible. So, after wondering why the hell I hadn't lost for 3 days, I decided to measure myself. Call me Sherlock Holmes because I solved the mystery! Not only have I lost 20 lbs, I have lost 11 inches all over my entire body- mainly in the boob area, but a significant amount in my waist and my neck as well. So just because I wasn't seeing the pounds on the scale, my body was still working hard while partnering with my efforts. It was a definite non-scale victory!!

Not only have I been sticking to the menu plans and taking my vitamins, I went out and purchased a bicycle and a child trailer! Now I have no excuse of not wanting to get up and go to the gym, or not having child care. I can handle business all right here in my neighboorhood with the child in tow. I am looking forward to the bicycle rides and spending quality time with my daughter as well. Only good things can come from this purchase!

The only things I am having troubles with is getting my protein in, consuming all 64 oz of water and not knowing where to go for conversation about the bypass. I am a member of lapbandtalk.com and I am a regular there( ok, I live there) and obviously, everyone has the lapband. When I talk about the side effects of the bypass or what I am dealing with, no one can relate or help me out. I know that there is obesityhelp.com but I have had some pretty negative experiences over there and I am reluctant to go back. I guess I will just have to save my questions for the doc.

I am hoping to keep the success up and stay on the right path. I know it can be hard, there are many times that I just want to snatch the pizza slice out of my husbands hands and trust me, it takes everything in my power not to. I have a new kind of will power this go round. Maybe its because I have faith that this surgery will actually work. Whatever it is, its working, and I am riding on the feel good train.

One week post op :)

I am happy to report that I am officially 15 lbs down from the day I had surgery!!! 15 POUNDS IN 7 DAYS!! I am loving it!!

Day 4 Post Op

First off, I just want to say a big thank you to everyone and their well wishes, prayers, and concerns during my hospitalization. Things are going well and the surgery was successful. I am at home with my family now and trying to get around as best as possible. I will go over the hospital process just to tell you a little bit about what happened.

I arrived at the hospital at 5:30 am and was almost immediately brought back into a room with a bed and was instructed to get undressed, put a gown on and get on the bed. An IV was inserted into my arm and the nurse took my vitals. I had to pee in a cup for a false pregnancy confirmation before surgery. At that point I remained on the bed as the anesthesiologist came in and discussed what he would be doing. Shortly after, what I call the magic medicine, was inserted into my IV and I became very care free and drowsy. The last thing I remember before waking up after surgery, was kissing my husband and my daughter goodbye as they were literally wheeling me down to the OR.

I woke up in a haze hearing the nurse booking my room in the hospital-for some reason I wanted to make sure I remembered the room number-627. I kept repeating it over and over again in my head "627,627, Room 627". Of course, it never presented the need to come up ever again but I knew what my room number was! When I fully woke up out of the haze, I instantly wanted to know where my husband and my daughter were. I wanted to see my only family that I have within a 500 mile radius.

Now, I won't discuss EVERY SINGLE detail of my stay in the hospital, but I will say that for whatever reason, I had complications due to an IV infiltration, I was given a shot of toradol and ativan and was told I was going to have a pic line inserted. I beleive it was due to the fact that I was neglected by the nursing staff ( after contacting them several times) for an hour, due to having no fluid in my IV bag. Other than that, things went according to plan.

The first day after getting out of surgery, I was not allowed anything by mouth, no water or ice--NOTHING. The second day I was eased into ice chips-2 tbsp per every half an hour. The third and final day I was put on a clear sugar free liquid diet-2 tbsp every meal time, and then each hour after that. needless say, it is next to nothing. I do not feel hungry in the least though so I am not stressing out about it yet. I am a little sore on my incision sites but other than that I am up and moving around. I am ready for my workouts to begin and the weight to start coming off. I have never been more relieved to say that I am no longer a bandster, I am a gastric bypasser!!!

Pre-Op Appointments

I just got home from my pre-op testing appointments and I have been cleared for surgery! The doctor didn't even say anything about a pre-op diet, so I was kind of pissed. Anyways, I had to show up this morning at the hospital for my meeting with the dietician. She pretty much went over the things I already knew and had dealt with during the lapband process. She was explaining the menu and using measurements in tablespoons-TABLESPOONS!!! She explained that for the first 6 months I will not get much more than 4 tablespoons in at one sitting. Of course I knew this all along, but the moment SHE said it, felt like a slap in the face. I instantly thought 'How in the hell am I going to get everything I want to eat into 4 TABLESPOONS. Back to my addiction. I might as well have thought ' How much crack can I smoke before someone finds me'.

After my dietician appointment I had to go to SPA testing ( if only it were the GOOD spa), where I had to get arterial blood drawn because of sleep apnea, 5 other vials drawn-pregnancy test, one for blood pressure, and who knows what else, as well as an EKG. They gave me 2 bottles of soap and told me to wash with one tonight and one in the morning and they also gave me one of those breathing machine doodads. When I was done there I went over to my doctor's office-where they were running an hour and a half behind- and he went over the surgery and the risks as well as what he would do if he couldn't do the surgery laproscopically, which would be open bypass. He said he was going to do everything to make this happen and he thought I would do great.

In a nutshell, that was my pre-op visit. I have to report to the hospital at 5:30 am tomorrow morning and my surgery is supposed to start at 7:30. My doctor said it would take close to 2 hours to complete since they had to do a band removal as well as the bypass itself. So I guess here it goes, all or nothing, ready or not- I am about to be a gastric bypass patient.
!

Preparation/Fears

Tomorrow I go in for my pre-op testing and I will meet with my dietician, to find out my new diet. I will also meet with my doctor and get my labs and ekg done. I am still hesitant to go through with surgery. While I know it is good for my health, I have to think realistically and realize all of what is about to transpire in the next few weeks. Something that I remember from the lapband surgery is my friends and family members becoming the 'food police'. You know, questions like "Are you supposed to have that?" or "Isn't that too much food for you?'' I am going to have to learn again to be patient with others and try to accept the fact that they don't know any better. What is interesting to me though, is that while they are so apt to be the 'food police' they wern't as voluntary doing the pre-op diet with me. Throughout this last week I really took a good look at myself. I love myself for who I am and I would never want to change my personality. I think if it wasn't for the elevated health risks that come with being 'FAT', I would be fairly happy. I already have a wardrobe that I am used to and I am able to eat the food that I love. With this surgery I am going to be giving up a lot. Everything will of course be trial and error, but I will most likely have to give up pasta, bread, sugar, carbonated drinks, cakes, and candy. I most likely won't be able to eat my daughters' first birthday cake and will someday have to explain to her why. At family gatherings or social outtings I will have to obsess about what is being served there, how fast ( or slow) I will have to eat, and who is watching me. With this surgery comes a lot of baggage. It's not just a in and out of the door and I am healed type of surgery. Physically- I may be on my way, but as I have said many times prior, mentally I have a long way to go. I am going to do another measurement tomorrow night ( hopefully something has changed) so that way I can start on my OFFICIAL numbers. I will let you all know what happens tomorrow at my pre-op appointments and I will keep you updated!

Victory

I stepped on the scale yesterday and I was down 7 lbs! I instantly remembered what it felt like to see that number go down, I haven't felt that since I had got the lapband. It was an amazing feeling and it pushed me to go walking last night. Instead of sitting on my ass and watching my husband play basketball, I took my child and myself (stroller and all) and I walked the indoor track at the local gym. I did a mile and a half and I felt great about it. I am wanting to do it more often and I think if I can con my husband into going with me, it will drive me a little bit more. I don't want him to walk with me or anything, but it would be good for him to get back into his gym routine as well. I couldn't help but feel on top of the world when I was walking last night. I woke up this morning to find maybe another pound down- I need to get a digital scale because I cannot see where the red ticker is pointing to on my ancient scale, who knows, I could have lost 30 lbs. Thanks for all of the support from everyone on my facebook to the comments on here, they really do keep the fire under my ass and it let's me know that I am not alone!

Round 2- KO

This is real life folks. I couldn't claim yesterday victiorious because in a moment of weakness while feeding my daughter, I stuffed my face with the very crackers I was putting on her highchair tray. It was terrible and I felt like a complete loser for it. I had tried so hard and it was just so easy to quit. I have to say it is even harder to admit that I failed though, and I am glad I am doing it. Throughout the entire day I wanted to cancel surgery, postpone surgery, give the whole 'diet and exercise' thing a try ONE MORE TIME. I reasoned with myself for hours. Still to this minute I wonder if I should push the date back. Why am I rushing into something so life changing? Because I know myself, thats why. I won't diet and exercise, and if I push it back I will find another excuse not to have it. I have made it through this far, why quit now. So I had a downfall, I can bounce back, and I will. I hope that is what this surgery is about. I really want to lose this weight and I am serious but I am also human. Time will tell what will happen, but I hope for my health and the future of my family, that I can make it through this pre-op diet all the way to surgery.

Hunger Monster

Well, yesterday was my first day of liquids. I am proud to report Ali=1 Food=0. Don't get me wrong, I was tempted, in everyway possible. I was pretty much fine, until the end of the day. This is normally when I eat the most anyways, but having to smell my husband baking a pizza and then watching him made it worse. I tried everything I could to avoid this situation because I knew that if I wasn't careful, I was going to end up slicing his neck with the very pizza cutter he was using to divide his food. I had ran to the store a little bit earlier to get some tomato soup, and I swear every fast food chain had JUST put their food on the grill because I was smelling every burger, burrito, and chicken breast that was being prepared within a 5 mile radius. I fought it off and for a minute there I couldn't think straight from the scents filling the air. I started yesterday off at 262- only 2 pounds under what I weighed the day I got the lapband surgery. Yesterday was quite the battle. Food has a huge hold over me. I doubted myself in each and everyway possible, I wanted to call and cancel the surgery as soon as the thought of missing Easter dinner entered my head, when I saw my husband able to eat whatever it was that he pleases. I think it is harder being married and having children during this process. It's not like I can tell my family to quit eating, and what is even worse, is that I have to physically feed my child. Of course it is baby food, but you would be wrong if you don't think for a second that I didn't want to dive face first into that jar of mashed up peas. Then my husband asked me to make his pizza. ( Insert eyeroll here) Needless to say, after a few choice words said, it wasn't happeneing. At the end of the day, I did what I was supposed to do and I am proud of myself. I only have 11 days left till surgery and I seriously hope it is all worth it.