Who is in size 14's? This bitch

Recently I have gotten some family pictures taken, so I thought I woudl share with everyone. All I keep hearing is how happy I look and I couldn't agree more. I AM happy. THIS is what it feels like. If I didn't lose another pound I would still die thrilled. That being said, I have been eating like a heifer this past week. I need to get back on track and eat healthy. I have 26 more pounds to go until I reach 100 pounds total lost.

Who's that girl?!

Sorry for the flashed out faces, I haven't quite got the hang of how to take pictures in the mirror, but you get the point:) Smokin' hottie, huh?!

Approaching 4 month post op mark

With my 4 month mark coming up, it's time to get those numbers in. I am proud to say that I have lost 61 pounds in LESS than 4 months. I am feeling great, have unlimited energy, and my confidence is shooting through the roof. I make friends easier and don't feel like I have to be an anti-social shrew. This surgery has changed my life mentally, physically, sexually, and spiritually. It has mended relationships that I wasn't giving my all to and it is giving others the sense that I haven't given up on myself. People have noted that I smile more often and that I seem to be much more of an 'upper' as opposed to my 'everything in life sucks' attitude I had previously. Needless to say, I am loving life, this surgery, and all of the places I am going because of it. Pics to come soon!

NEW MEASUREMENTS!!!

Well now that I am down 45 lbs I figured I would go ahead and do my measurements. I cannot even begin to tell you how happy I am with the results! Here they are:
Neck-15.5
Arms-14
Boobs- 39
Waist-43
Butt-42
Thigh-27

With an overall grand total of 34.25 inches lost in 73 days!!! I never thought this would be possible!! I am looking to start P90X and get my work out on!! I pulled out those size 16's today from American Eagle and they fit!! They are even a little loose! I am beyond thrilled, excited, and looking forward to the future! I hope that I can continue to move on the right path. I have the best support team in the world. Thanks for all of the encouragement guys!!

Progress Pictures :)

I dont know if you all can see a difference but there it is, 35 lbs gone. Mentally I feel a lot smaller than I am looking in these pictures, but I know my body will catch up with my mind. I am excited that I am going in the right direction and looking forward to seeing more results!

It's Been A Long Time Comin'

I know it has been a while since I have posted. To update you all, I have hit my 30 pound lost mark!! I couldn't be more excited and I am on a straight and narrow path towards a life of being skinny. Things have been crazy around here. I am gearing up for my first vacation since surgery. I believe it will be like the 'temptation challenges' from the Biggest Loser. We are going to South Carolina to be with the in-laws for a week. With family comes big sit down dinners, going out to celebrate, and drinking. I have had a glass of wine or two here and there within the last week so I know I am good there. I really hope I can control myself when posed with the situation of going out to eat. My biggest fear is getting sick in public. I never quite know how to handle the situation. It always ends up in me looking like an emergency is occuring and then of course everyone has to ask what went wrong. I will do my best to keep positive thoughts in my head and remember the rules.

On to other news, I got a JOB!!! I was just hired as the newest vet technician at a clinic here in Arkansas. I am super excited as I have not worked for 3 years. It will give my daughter the opportunity to gain social skills and give me the chance to have some grown up time. I am also excited about this because I believe it will get me into a routine. Work then gym. I am one of those people that need to have the same schedule everyday to be successful. Being an at home mom/wife kind of just let me do what I want when I wanted it. This job will allow me to just hit the gym on the way home from work and keep a steady schedule. I think only good things can come from this. It will also not allow me to snack all day. I will be posting new pictures of my progress soon. I keep getting compliments that my weight loss is noticed and going well. I love hearing these things as they give me that push and reassurance that I sometimes need. All in all I STILL think this is the best thing I ever did for myself, and I wouldn't change a thing :)

MEASUREMENTS!!!!

As of today- May 9th, 2011- 27 days post op here are my measurements:

Neck 16.25
Arm 16
Boobs 46.5
Waist 44
Booty 44.75
Thigh 24.50

Thats OVER 21 inches lost since my first measurement!!! I am loving my new body so far. I have bought 2 pairs of SHORTS. I haven't worn shorts in over a decade! I have my first post-op appointment tomorrow and I am hoping that the doctor likes the results- I know I do!!

May 8th

Today would have been considered my 2 year bandaversary. Two years ago, I thought I had made what would be the best decision of my life. It wasn't the WORST decision of my life, it was just the wrong one for me. I see weight loss surgery as playing a game of poker. Sometimes you have the right hand and can take the table, other times you have a bust. I wish I was one of those people who could call a bluff when they see it, but I am blind to the obvious. I can say now that I have gotten better at the game, learned the rules a little bit more, and can play my cards right. I haven't done measurements latley, but I should. I can feel my clothes getting much looser and my over all self-confidence is through the roof. I am wearing nicer things, putting make-up on, being more social. All of the things I hid from or didn't give a shit about when I was ginormous. I see a huge change in myself. I catch myself checking me out in the mirror. I like how this looks on me. If I ever had a doubt before ( which I never did ) I know this is the right decision for me. I am glad I didn't listen to the horror stories and all of the bullshit that people wanted to throw my way to block me from success. I love the new me and I love the friends and family who have supported me no matter what.

People Come and Go but I Will Forever Be Ali

It was brought to my attention last night that I have changed. Over the night I really thought long and hard if that statement is true. I came to conclusion that it is very true. I am now happy, positive, encouraging and confident. Most people knew me as a sarcastic, miserable, self-hating, debbie downer type of person. I have changed because I know that I can do better than I was, I have changed because I FINALLY care about my life and myself. I refuse to apologize for being happy and finally in the place that I have been supporting everyone else for already being in. I have spent countless hours being happy for everyone else. Numerous conversations of motivation given and encouragement supplied. Now, selfish or not, it is my turn and I will let NO ONE take that from me. If you can't be happy for me being happy then you have no place in my life. For once in my life, I need the cheerleader, I need the motivation, and the pat on the back. I am still sarcastic and I still have my sense of humor but I now I am the Captain of my team and the player as well. I am deciding my future and making things happen. I will not apologize for being me.

Here are my current measurements; eactly 14 days post op:
Neck 16.25
Arm- 16
Boobs-46.50
Waist- 48
Butt- 48
Thigh- 27.75

11 Inches gone!

Strange Things Our Bodies Do

As of today I am 18 days post op. I am on the semi solid diet, being able to eat tuna and pasta. I am looking forward to the day when I can have MEAT! I am a carnivore and I need chicken or beef or SOMETHING! I believe I can start having those foods towards the end of May. It will come soon enough, I am doing everything I can to stick to the plan and follow the rules.

With that being said, I have stopped losing for the past three days. I had gotten worried that my body was trying to say ' Ok, you take it from here'. I have lost 20 lbs so far, and yes, that is amazing. I just want the best results possible. So, after wondering why the hell I hadn't lost for 3 days, I decided to measure myself. Call me Sherlock Holmes because I solved the mystery! Not only have I lost 20 lbs, I have lost 11 inches all over my entire body- mainly in the boob area, but a significant amount in my waist and my neck as well. So just because I wasn't seeing the pounds on the scale, my body was still working hard while partnering with my efforts. It was a definite non-scale victory!!

Not only have I been sticking to the menu plans and taking my vitamins, I went out and purchased a bicycle and a child trailer! Now I have no excuse of not wanting to get up and go to the gym, or not having child care. I can handle business all right here in my neighboorhood with the child in tow. I am looking forward to the bicycle rides and spending quality time with my daughter as well. Only good things can come from this purchase!

The only things I am having troubles with is getting my protein in, consuming all 64 oz of water and not knowing where to go for conversation about the bypass. I am a member of lapbandtalk.com and I am a regular there( ok, I live there) and obviously, everyone has the lapband. When I talk about the side effects of the bypass or what I am dealing with, no one can relate or help me out. I know that there is obesityhelp.com but I have had some pretty negative experiences over there and I am reluctant to go back. I guess I will just have to save my questions for the doc.

I am hoping to keep the success up and stay on the right path. I know it can be hard, there are many times that I just want to snatch the pizza slice out of my husbands hands and trust me, it takes everything in my power not to. I have a new kind of will power this go round. Maybe its because I have faith that this surgery will actually work. Whatever it is, its working, and I am riding on the feel good train.

One week post op :)

I am happy to report that I am officially 15 lbs down from the day I had surgery!!! 15 POUNDS IN 7 DAYS!! I am loving it!!

Day 4 Post Op

First off, I just want to say a big thank you to everyone and their well wishes, prayers, and concerns during my hospitalization. Things are going well and the surgery was successful. I am at home with my family now and trying to get around as best as possible. I will go over the hospital process just to tell you a little bit about what happened.

I arrived at the hospital at 5:30 am and was almost immediately brought back into a room with a bed and was instructed to get undressed, put a gown on and get on the bed. An IV was inserted into my arm and the nurse took my vitals. I had to pee in a cup for a false pregnancy confirmation before surgery. At that point I remained on the bed as the anesthesiologist came in and discussed what he would be doing. Shortly after, what I call the magic medicine, was inserted into my IV and I became very care free and drowsy. The last thing I remember before waking up after surgery, was kissing my husband and my daughter goodbye as they were literally wheeling me down to the OR.

I woke up in a haze hearing the nurse booking my room in the hospital-for some reason I wanted to make sure I remembered the room number-627. I kept repeating it over and over again in my head "627,627, Room 627". Of course, it never presented the need to come up ever again but I knew what my room number was! When I fully woke up out of the haze, I instantly wanted to know where my husband and my daughter were. I wanted to see my only family that I have within a 500 mile radius.

Now, I won't discuss EVERY SINGLE detail of my stay in the hospital, but I will say that for whatever reason, I had complications due to an IV infiltration, I was given a shot of toradol and ativan and was told I was going to have a pic line inserted. I beleive it was due to the fact that I was neglected by the nursing staff ( after contacting them several times) for an hour, due to having no fluid in my IV bag. Other than that, things went according to plan.

The first day after getting out of surgery, I was not allowed anything by mouth, no water or ice--NOTHING. The second day I was eased into ice chips-2 tbsp per every half an hour. The third and final day I was put on a clear sugar free liquid diet-2 tbsp every meal time, and then each hour after that. needless say, it is next to nothing. I do not feel hungry in the least though so I am not stressing out about it yet. I am a little sore on my incision sites but other than that I am up and moving around. I am ready for my workouts to begin and the weight to start coming off. I have never been more relieved to say that I am no longer a bandster, I am a gastric bypasser!!!

Pre-Op Appointments

I just got home from my pre-op testing appointments and I have been cleared for surgery! The doctor didn't even say anything about a pre-op diet, so I was kind of pissed. Anyways, I had to show up this morning at the hospital for my meeting with the dietician. She pretty much went over the things I already knew and had dealt with during the lapband process. She was explaining the menu and using measurements in tablespoons-TABLESPOONS!!! She explained that for the first 6 months I will not get much more than 4 tablespoons in at one sitting. Of course I knew this all along, but the moment SHE said it, felt like a slap in the face. I instantly thought 'How in the hell am I going to get everything I want to eat into 4 TABLESPOONS. Back to my addiction. I might as well have thought ' How much crack can I smoke before someone finds me'.

After my dietician appointment I had to go to SPA testing ( if only it were the GOOD spa), where I had to get arterial blood drawn because of sleep apnea, 5 other vials drawn-pregnancy test, one for blood pressure, and who knows what else, as well as an EKG. They gave me 2 bottles of soap and told me to wash with one tonight and one in the morning and they also gave me one of those breathing machine doodads. When I was done there I went over to my doctor's office-where they were running an hour and a half behind- and he went over the surgery and the risks as well as what he would do if he couldn't do the surgery laproscopically, which would be open bypass. He said he was going to do everything to make this happen and he thought I would do great.

In a nutshell, that was my pre-op visit. I have to report to the hospital at 5:30 am tomorrow morning and my surgery is supposed to start at 7:30. My doctor said it would take close to 2 hours to complete since they had to do a band removal as well as the bypass itself. So I guess here it goes, all or nothing, ready or not- I am about to be a gastric bypass patient.
!

Preparation/Fears

Tomorrow I go in for my pre-op testing and I will meet with my dietician, to find out my new diet. I will also meet with my doctor and get my labs and ekg done. I am still hesitant to go through with surgery. While I know it is good for my health, I have to think realistically and realize all of what is about to transpire in the next few weeks. Something that I remember from the lapband surgery is my friends and family members becoming the 'food police'. You know, questions like "Are you supposed to have that?" or "Isn't that too much food for you?'' I am going to have to learn again to be patient with others and try to accept the fact that they don't know any better. What is interesting to me though, is that while they are so apt to be the 'food police' they wern't as voluntary doing the pre-op diet with me. Throughout this last week I really took a good look at myself. I love myself for who I am and I would never want to change my personality. I think if it wasn't for the elevated health risks that come with being 'FAT', I would be fairly happy. I already have a wardrobe that I am used to and I am able to eat the food that I love. With this surgery I am going to be giving up a lot. Everything will of course be trial and error, but I will most likely have to give up pasta, bread, sugar, carbonated drinks, cakes, and candy. I most likely won't be able to eat my daughters' first birthday cake and will someday have to explain to her why. At family gatherings or social outtings I will have to obsess about what is being served there, how fast ( or slow) I will have to eat, and who is watching me. With this surgery comes a lot of baggage. It's not just a in and out of the door and I am healed type of surgery. Physically- I may be on my way, but as I have said many times prior, mentally I have a long way to go. I am going to do another measurement tomorrow night ( hopefully something has changed) so that way I can start on my OFFICIAL numbers. I will let you all know what happens tomorrow at my pre-op appointments and I will keep you updated!

Victory

I stepped on the scale yesterday and I was down 7 lbs! I instantly remembered what it felt like to see that number go down, I haven't felt that since I had got the lapband. It was an amazing feeling and it pushed me to go walking last night. Instead of sitting on my ass and watching my husband play basketball, I took my child and myself (stroller and all) and I walked the indoor track at the local gym. I did a mile and a half and I felt great about it. I am wanting to do it more often and I think if I can con my husband into going with me, it will drive me a little bit more. I don't want him to walk with me or anything, but it would be good for him to get back into his gym routine as well. I couldn't help but feel on top of the world when I was walking last night. I woke up this morning to find maybe another pound down- I need to get a digital scale because I cannot see where the red ticker is pointing to on my ancient scale, who knows, I could have lost 30 lbs. Thanks for all of the support from everyone on my facebook to the comments on here, they really do keep the fire under my ass and it let's me know that I am not alone!

Round 2- KO

This is real life folks. I couldn't claim yesterday victiorious because in a moment of weakness while feeding my daughter, I stuffed my face with the very crackers I was putting on her highchair tray. It was terrible and I felt like a complete loser for it. I had tried so hard and it was just so easy to quit. I have to say it is even harder to admit that I failed though, and I am glad I am doing it. Throughout the entire day I wanted to cancel surgery, postpone surgery, give the whole 'diet and exercise' thing a try ONE MORE TIME. I reasoned with myself for hours. Still to this minute I wonder if I should push the date back. Why am I rushing into something so life changing? Because I know myself, thats why. I won't diet and exercise, and if I push it back I will find another excuse not to have it. I have made it through this far, why quit now. So I had a downfall, I can bounce back, and I will. I hope that is what this surgery is about. I really want to lose this weight and I am serious but I am also human. Time will tell what will happen, but I hope for my health and the future of my family, that I can make it through this pre-op diet all the way to surgery.

Hunger Monster

Well, yesterday was my first day of liquids. I am proud to report Ali=1 Food=0. Don't get me wrong, I was tempted, in everyway possible. I was pretty much fine, until the end of the day. This is normally when I eat the most anyways, but having to smell my husband baking a pizza and then watching him made it worse. I tried everything I could to avoid this situation because I knew that if I wasn't careful, I was going to end up slicing his neck with the very pizza cutter he was using to divide his food. I had ran to the store a little bit earlier to get some tomato soup, and I swear every fast food chain had JUST put their food on the grill because I was smelling every burger, burrito, and chicken breast that was being prepared within a 5 mile radius. I fought it off and for a minute there I couldn't think straight from the scents filling the air. I started yesterday off at 262- only 2 pounds under what I weighed the day I got the lapband surgery. Yesterday was quite the battle. Food has a huge hold over me. I doubted myself in each and everyway possible, I wanted to call and cancel the surgery as soon as the thought of missing Easter dinner entered my head, when I saw my husband able to eat whatever it was that he pleases. I think it is harder being married and having children during this process. It's not like I can tell my family to quit eating, and what is even worse, is that I have to physically feed my child. Of course it is baby food, but you would be wrong if you don't think for a second that I didn't want to dive face first into that jar of mashed up peas. Then my husband asked me to make his pizza. ( Insert eyeroll here) Needless to say, after a few choice words said, it wasn't happeneing. At the end of the day, I did what I was supposed to do and I am proud of myself. I only have 11 days left till surgery and I seriously hope it is all worth it.

R.I.P the old Ali/ Measurements/ Before Pics/ MOVIN ON

I have been mentioning that I will be taking before pictures to track my progress and to give me motivation. Let me tell you, I have never been so embarassed in my life. I had my husband help me, the husband that I have made babies with, and live with day in and day out, and was absolutely mortified. For every measurement he called the inches out for, I wanted to die a little bit inside.I have been holding off on this part for as long as possible because I do not want people to see me like this. What I fail to realize, is that everyone sees me like this, except for me. I am the only person that doesn't realize my true image. Doing this project tonight threw me over the edge and made me really emotional. It was a slap in the face, and something I never wanted to encounter. Here are my measurements of the 'old Ali'.
Neck-18''
Arms-16 3/2''
Boobs-51 1/2''
Waist-49 3/4''
Butt- 50 1/4''
Thigh- 27 3/4
 May that Bitch rest in peace, and never return. Here are my before pics

D-Day

You would think that I would be eating everything in sight today, but I am not. I have become so sick of this lifestyle and the after effects of it that I am ready to be done. As ready as I can be anyways. I will be eating my favorite food tonight for dinner, but other than that, I have no interest in much of anything. Tomorrow, I will be starting Day 1 of my 14 day ( more like 30 day) liquid diet. I am supposed to drink 3 protein shakes per day, and for the rest of the day stay on clear, sugar free liquids. Things such as fat free chicken broth, sugar free jello/pudding, sugar free popsicles etc. I have a good 10 or so boxes of slim fast stocked up in the extra fridge, in all different flavors, as well as everything else listed above. It is going to be a very hard diet, mentally. I rememeber being on the clear liquid diet AFTER my lapband procedure and it was a piece of cake because I had some sort of restriction on my stomach. NOW I have a wide open stomach ready to devour the world, and clear liquids just is not going to cut it. I am going to have to keep myself busy-keep my goal in sight. In 13 days I will be getting the gastric bypass and shedding the pounds, getting to a healthier new me. If my posts for the next 2 weeks seem a little 'bitchy' it is only because the beast in me is trying to get out.

Prisoner in my own misery

I feel my chins, ( yes I said CHINS, as in more than one) sit on top of eachother, and I feel them rest on my chest. I feel my 'back boobs' flop every time I walk faster than a snail's pace. My feet get swollen every night as if I am 9 months pregnant and my thighs resemble a kiddie pool filled with cottage cheese. I want to be skinny, but at what risk? While chatting with a good friend of mine, a question was posed. We know our addiction, but what will it take to battle it? Drug addicts can go to rehab, sex addicts usually the same. Is fat camp the answer? How many of those REALLY exist for adults? Through having the band and not telling (many) people I have come to realize that everyone thinks that weight loss surgery is the 'easy' way out. I can be the first to tell you that I wish on everything in the world, that I had a high metabolism and could just work out, and eat right to lose this weight. I can't stress enough how much HARDER weight loss surgery is. I can't tell you how many times I have cried because I can't go out socially and eat with my friends without it being weird. This 'easy way out' is more of a mind fuck than anything. Because I will always see myself as fat. I know that losing so much weight so quick will throw me down a sprial of depression. For being the easy way out, I am willing to risk being borderline NUTSO just so I can wear normal clothes, and feel 'confident', but it really doesn't happen that way does it? Ask any fat person who has lost weight, when they were more confident, fat or skinny. I promise you the results will be surprising. I just have to be prepared and be strong mentally for this surgery. I have to make sure that I am not taking things out on the wrong people due to the side effects this surgery imposes. As I lose the weight, I have to learn how to be comfortable in my new body, and accept the phases of deformation of my body. With that comes the ability to come off of medications. I am currently taking 7 different pills for everything from back problems to insomnia to hypertension, all linked to obesity. I will be able to stop using my CPAP breathing machine and begin to live a normal life. I wont have to be the fat wife with the skinny white husband. We will finally be able to 'match'. Like they say- I am taking the 'easy' way out- and saving my life.I am not here to promote either surgery or even surgery period. What I AM here to do is give you my view on the whole process and how it effects my life. I don't want to scare anyone, but I can tell you that there is NOTHING easy about this surgery or the lifestyle after it.

Emotional Rollercoaster

It is all starting to come back to me how emotional this whole process is. I am heading in to what will be my second weight loss surgery and the 'crazy eyes' are starting. I am beginning to remember how I felt after the surgery. I know I felt 'punsished' because I could only sip shitty flavored water, while my husband got to eat an entire pizza. Punished because the world did not stop for me, nor did it feel sorry for me. Punished because I just wasn't one of those lucky people  ( like my husband ) who were blessed with a skinny body no matter what they ate. Punished for my love of food. That folks, is what makes this process harder. There are some patients who just eat to eat. Then there are THE REST OF US, who love food, and are addicted to it. I have had several break downs this week. I worry that I will not have time put my everything in to this surgery. I am one of those all or nothing type of chicks. Hence, all of the food I have consumed. I went and bought a body bugg, I am get P90X, and I am going to be taking full advantage of the gym on base. The problem is, that I wont be able to go everyday like I NEED to. I worry that if I dont go everyday, I will slack, and fail. I contemplated canceling sugery just for fear of failure, again. As the days dwindle down and I approach the first day of my pre op diet, I get even more scared. I start losing faith in myself, I being to accept defeat and I haven't even started. I just have to keep looking up at my daughter and my husband and reminding myself of my purpose here on this Earth. If it wern't for them, I am not sure I would even consider this surgery. I told someone JUST TODAY ' If it wern't for the health risks, I would keep doing what I am doing, because eating makes me happy.' Eating is the only thing that has been reliable enough to be there when I am loney, sad, happy for myself, proud of myself, and when I am in a firery rage. Food is the most stable thing in my life and the fear of having to give it up, and leave my life a wreck, is the worst feeling in the world. I can't stress enough that I am one of those people that need motivation, a pat on the back, and positive reinforcement constantly, to keep me going. I can picture the skinny me down the road, but will she be as happy and the fat girl now? I talk to many 'skinny girls' and it is never enough for them. Especially the ones who have had weight loss surgery, it never seems to be enough weightloss, they can always lose 'a few more'. I sure hope that with this weight, I don't lose who I am, and the life that I love having.

Panic Attack

So today, out of nowhere, it hits me that I will no longer be able to eat what I want and how much of what I want. In T minus 10 days I will be starting my 2 week pre-op diet consisting of only liquids, sugar free ones at that. I started freaking out wondering how I was going to get everything that I want to eat into only 10 days. There are places I want to eat at and home cooked meals I want to make. There is just no way I can fit them all into only 10 days. So I starting losing it, thinking about canceling surgery. I had to talk myself out of not calling the surgeon. All I could think about was how I was going to not have an Easter dinner, and how I couldn't eat an entire meal like I can now. All of these things might not seem major to the average human being, but someone like myself who is addicted, it is all that is on my mind. I am forcing this break up with food no matter what, but it sure is getting harder the closer I get. Reality is setting in and I am becoming scared. Food is my life and I need to make it my past.

Battle of the Bulge

I checked my e-mail today and was excited to see that I had one from my doctors nurse. Until I opened it. She was simply confirming my surgery date of April 13th 2011. Oh and then she dropped the 'D' bomb on me. Specifically the Liquid DIET bomb. A 2 week pre operation diet of only liquids. It is my worst nightmare coming to life. It is hard going on a diet like that when all you can think about is eating everything in sight before you cant eat anymore. I guess it is best and I guess that my 'gastric bypass brain' should go ahead and be put into overdrive on April 1st. Now the tables have turned and I feel like I am the one getting dumped. It is all for the best, it is time to move on. I have 13 official days left of 'real food', let the last supper meals begin....

Yet another reason why I need to change my life....

I had a ob/gyn appointment today, it was supposed to be just the normal pap smear. Obviously it was not. The doctor informed me today that I have PCOS ( Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome). While this answers some questions, it makes me sad to add ANOTHER reason to the list of why I need to lose weight. I am 24 years old and I have high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and now PCOS. I guess it is just another motivation factor to drive me to lose this weight. I have to do this for me and my family. I will not be another statistic.

Ready to make my life right.....again

As I sit here trying to motivate myself for this surgery, I look at my daughter and realize that I have to make it happen this time. I have ordered a new bodybugg, bought a tanning package to reward myself daily, and spent money on numerous books. I am scared of this surgery and the changes I will have to make. I am looking forward to letting my inner skinny girl out. I need this. I need to be able to play with my child as she grows, I need to be able to stand next to my husband and feel as though we are a good match (physically). I am ready to break this addiction I have to food. Yes, it is an addiction. When I eat lunch, I'm thinking about dinner. When I am getting ready for bed, I am wondering if I can fit another meal in. I am addicted to food and everything that involves it. I use it to celebrate, to mourn, to congratulate, and to relieve my stress. Like my friend once said, I am like a crack addict waiting for my next fix. I have to break up with food. I have to move on. This gastric bypass is my official goodbye. Its my two weeks notice. I will not spend the rest of my life caring more about food than I do my family....I refuse. My new life starts April 13, 2011- stay tuned to my new start on life, progress pictures, and me holding myself accountable- I WILL BE A SUCCESS!

A Little Bit About Me

For those of you who don't know me and for those of you who do, I want to say 'Welcome'! I am starting this blog for many reasons but when it comes down to it, I am doing this for myself. I need accountability and a reference. I need something 'set in stone' that I can look at and view progress and see my mistakes. This is a journey through my life, my break up with food, my divorce with the lapband, and my new relationship with the gastric bypass.
To be able to read this blog, you are going to have to know a little bit of back story. Why am I fat? Well in April of 2007, my life as I know it, was about to change. I was driving to my house from a gas station early morning and was ran off of the road. Not only was I ran off of the road, I was sent over a curb, through a fence, hitting a tree and then slammed into a garage. From that point on, nothing would be the same. Within the next five months, I would endure two more accidents-being rear ended and worsening a severe and chronic case of back pain. From that point on, my military career was put into jeopardy. I could no longer carry out the duties of a Soldier as I was gaining weight rapidly and put into extreme pain by just wearing my protective gear. Little did I know, within a little over a year, I would be honorably discharged. The ARMY up until that point, was my LIFE LONG CAREER.
Skip ahead a few years, after marriage to a man in the Air Force, and a relocation to Little Rock, Arkansas, you will find me on May 8th, 2009, on the operating table. I am about to get the LapBand that I have been waiting for. The process was relatively quick and only took me about a month from start to finish. I knew great things we're coming my way after this procedure and they did. Within four months time I had lost 50 lbs. I went from a size 22 pants to a size 16. Oh I left something out. A month after I got the LapBand, my husband was notified that he had 72 hours to prepare because he was deploying to Afghanistan. Thats a pretty important fact because it leads to the bomb I am about to drop on you next.
After a 4 month deployment, my husband returns September 19th, 2009, this day I will never forget, not only because my hero returned, but also because this is the day that I got pregnant with our first child, Aubrey. Within 3 months of being pregnant, I needed a complete unfill. From that point on, I gained a total of 60 lbs and was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Now, if you can remember how much I initially lost- 50 lbs then add what I gained during pregnancy +60 I am now +10 lbs higher then I was the day I got LapBand surgery! I was devestated, upset, and all around crushed. But women lose the baby weight, right? WRONG! Little did I know, while I was pregnant SOMETHING happened and my band would be useless for the rest of the time I had it. After 6 months of being filled and unfilled, and no weight loss, I decide to go in and make the decision to have gastric bypass. My doctor does a little review of my records, informs me that my band is defective, and agrees that the gastric bypass would be the best choice for me. So, here I am on the journey AGAIN, with a new outlook, a new determination, and all of the right tools to make it happen.....