Monday, March 21, 2011
So today, out of nowhere, it hits me that I will no longer be able to eat what I want and how much of what I want. In T minus 10 days I will be starting my 2 week pre-op diet consisting of only liquids, sugar free ones at that. I started freaking out wondering how I was going to get everything that I want to eat into only 10 days. There are places I want to eat at and home cooked meals I want to make. There is just no way I can fit them all into only 10 days. So I starting losing it, thinking about canceling surgery. I had to talk myself out of not calling the surgeon. All I could think about was how I was going to not have an Easter dinner, and how I couldn't eat an entire meal like I can now. All of these things might not seem major to the average human being, but someone like myself who is addicted, it is all that is on my mind. I am forcing this break up with food no matter what, but it sure is getting harder the closer I get. Reality is setting in and I am becoming scared. Food is my life and I need to make it my past.